The Likeability Complex

We all want to be liked dont we? By our peers, at work, during interviews, by complete strangers. Its natural. Fact is rejection is not fun. Social acceptance is valued pretty early on and it begins at childhood. This is why being picked last for a team in gym, or not being invited to a birthday party, or not getting accepted for a job stings just a little in the pit of your belly. I learned in my Social Psychology class that researchers have found that pain from being excluded or feeling left out is comparable to that of actual physical pain and can really impact psychological states, think bullied individuals who turn to suicide or school shooters. It has been said that the need to belong is fundamental.

However, I would like to open up a conversation about something slightly different. A topic that I feel many women can relate to.

As young girls many of us are told how to be. Proper, clean, domestic, nice, good, cute, pretty, seen and not heard. These are reinforced throughout our childhood and roll over into our adult lives. We become scared of speaking out, worried about how we are perceived by men. We dont want to come off as angry, bitter, bitchy, etc.. So we do not risk it. We stay in jobs and don’t ask for raises, or ignore when a man in a professional setting comments on our looks or body, and keep quiet when our space is invaded. All because we don’t want to create a scene. For most of her life a womans right to self expressesion has been stifled.

So we develop this Likability Complex as I like to call it (unless the name is already taken). We want to please everyone. We want to be liked because if we are liked then we have been good and if we are good we are liked.


A Conversation About the Nipple Movement

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Here is the video on Facebook that inspired this post and its corresponding article.

You know who would take offense to this the most? Other women. We have modesty ingrained in us whether from family or society.Cross your legs, wear pantyhose , don’t curse, excuse yourself, be seen not heard, be a nice girl, etc. Baring skin seems to go against all that we are taught. Sexy=Skin. The more skin, the more sex appeal, the more sex appeal the more “slutty” you are. Then we go into more complex things that upset me like “well look what she was wearing” if a perpetrator (usually male) attacks, whether rape or misconduct.
If we didn’t gauge women on a sexy-meter upon first look maybe it wouldn’t offend people when a woman has to breastfeed in public because her child is hungry and doesn’t have a mammoth blanket to shield her bosom.
Should it be dangerous to allow “immodest” women (nipple bearing and proud) to take part in our feeds?

Society has only sexualized the chest of one gender. This is why its understandable Social Media says female breasts “violates community” standards, they are only reflecting what society accepts to see outside closed doors. However, should Social Media be parenting what we share in this gender specific way?
Photo nudity does not offend me, nipples do not offend me. I think the issue Social Media has is the capture/ time capsule of “nakedness” that can easily be transported by all relevant means, therefore falling into a situation outside of confinements of its origin. Submission into the inter-web gives consent to anyone who can get a connection (including the underaged and employers).Simply not everyone has that foresight.
I find it inappropriate to be met with half naked men in public (pair shirtless with exposed boxer briefs and ass crack). While i am socially bound by bras and shirts that don’t show more than three-fourths inch of cleavage in order to satisfy a society that has done nothing but tell me how my “nakedness” (physical, verbal, emotional etc.) offends them, and shames me. All while men can speak their minds, bare their bodies, and call themselves bosses without being called “bitchy”.Women are looked at as meat, that’s the truth. However, men definitely have their own societal stigmas.

I am very curious as to how IG, Facebook and other social media sites go about setting limitations on the transgender community.
If you want to bare your breasts male or female I think you should be allowed to in certain places and instances. In my opinion, both male and female breasts can be sexualized, heck anything can be now a days. I say we all wear shirts for the most part, I am anti-bra though. Breasts were meant to swing, hit you in the face and lay wherever they fall. Free your breasts when you can, where you can, if you want to I say.

Where do you stand on the Nipple Movement?